Now that I've recovered from my hilariously bad hair day, I thought I'd reflect a bit on the internal process I went through as I "talked" to myself.
First, I realize that I don't have the type of hair that will clump into curls. I can use a million conditioners, tons of oil, super moisturizing shampoos and it won't matter. My hair will still amass into a clump of cotton. That's it, no more no less.
Second, I don't particularly like cotton as hair.
Third, I'm working on WHY I don't like cotton as hair. I know that I've been conditioned to think that silky hair is prettier than cottony hair. I study identity so I know that issues of race, power and status influence my thinking. I'm still thinking that way though.
Fourth, I'm dealing with the fact that I sometimes find my hair downright difficult. When I'm combing it and it's snapping, popping and flying in all directions I feel a bit...cursed. That's terrible to say but those are the ratlike thoughts scurrying about in my mind.
Fifth, I am incredibly proud of myself for publicly stripping myself down in this way and conversing about such an important topic. I've had so many people confide that they struggle with hair and identity. Let's keep the conversation going and work toward full self-acceptance.